Yesterday we got word that Hollie’s mother-in-law Jalane passed away very unexpectedly. We loved Jalane Bangerter so much. She was always so nice to us and made us feel so welcome in her home. She had a contagious laugh and I loved just being in her presence because of the way she made me feel. I have loved her example of service to the church and to her family. She was serving as Mission President’s wife when Hollie, my sister got married. Shes spends weeks serving her children as they welcome new babies and recently got back from Texas helping Hollie with her new baby Sadie.

How can it be that this healthy woman out on a walk yesterday morning could be taken so suddenly? And right before Christmas? Without having a chance to say goodbye? It seems just so unfair to her husband and children and grandchildren. I don’t understand all, but I do know that the Savior Jesus Christ does. And that we will see our loved ones again after this life.

Hollie and Seth and their 3 children jumped on a flight yesterday for a an unexpected trip (they were just here a week and half ago.)

Tonight as we were celebrating Christmas Eve at our home (since my dad and siblings are out of state), I felt an increased desire to just love and be present with my children.

Not to be negative, but what if this was my last Christmas? How would my children remember it? With that motivation, I tucked them all in bed individually, reading “Twas the Night Before Christmas” three separate times. Sorry, Eli! You were already asleep.

And then I took a picture. Grainy, not-styled, raw pictures. I hope my years are still long on this earth, but if they aren’t:

Oliver: I love your spunk for life and your desire to figure things out. I love that you still ask to snuggle with me.  Use your determination for good. I love you!

Blake: I love your zest for life and celebrating the little things. You are such a good helper and are a great example to your siblings in choosing the right.   I love you! 

Evelyn: You are going to make a great mom someday because you are always watching out for your brothers. Keep up your optimism and seeing the world as if it’s covered in sparkles–your favorite things.  I love you!

Brandon: Stay strong. Keep on keeping on. I love you forever and always.

Eli: You’ll always be my baby. Thank you for bringing a joy to my life I didn’t know was missing.